It’s so much easier to do what we’ve always done in our lives. It’s comfortable and familiar. Our complex brains like it because they know what to expect. They can be resistant to change or unpredictability and see new experiences or ways of thinking as something scary.
However, if we can get over the initial fear, we often find that the resistance to creating new habits, beliefs and actions is short-lived and the benefits far outweigh any temporary discomfort.
Michael is a 35 year old man. He is married to Tina and they have three children. Michael grew up in a home with a verbally abusive father and he now finds himself saying exactly the same things his own dad said. For years he thought he had to accept how he was, that it was “just in him” and that it would never change.
But deep inside he was miserable. He knew he wanted life to be different for the next generation of his Whānau, and that any change was up to him.
It wasn't simple.
It was confronting and raw at times but Michael was determined to transform his patterns of thinking. As he learned to understand his own emotions, Michael’s empathy for the feelings and needs of others in his life grew, leading to greater understanding and connection.
It wasn’t easy.
It felt really strange at first, especially since he had never seen this way of relating to others modelled in his life. Michael slipped into his old behaviours a few times, but it got easier to recognise when he was doing this and he was quicker to get back on track each time with a lot more self-compassion.
It was worth it.
Gradually Michael began to notice a change in his family. They were talking more with each other. They were even laughing more! He looked forward to coming home in the evening and spending weekends together.
The biggest change was in Michael himself. The self-awareness and knowledge he had gained not only empowered him to transform dysfunctional generational patterns of behaviour, it also changed his thinking. “My voice in my own head is so much less critical towards myself, and I am more patient and understanding of others too. Everything is different now. Everything is better.”, he explained with a smile.
If you are longing for genuine connection and healthy, loving relationships in your family, we would love to help you.
Live in the No-Fault Zone
The No-Fault Zone® Game is a fun, non-confrontational way to understand one another better and shift from managing behaviour through blame and punishment towards mutual respect and collaboration.
Moving through the simple, colourful board, you recognise unhealthy patterns of communication and develop the skills to connect on a much deeper level, with each family member feeling valued and appreciated.
We have seen it help to create strong, loving foundations for families now, and for generations to come.
Knowledge is Power
We are here to support you with workshops and on-going training so that you too can experience the joy of honest, open communication and the connection of healthy, restored relationships.
You are welcome to come to one of our workshops where we will support and equip you to understand your own feelings, which will enable you to have compassion for others.You will learn to:
- Recognise your patterns of communication
- Get to the source of problems quickly without blame or shame
- Resolve conflict respectfully and peacefully